Life Goes On

Do you ever wonder if everyone's getting together without you?

In a few weeks, I know they will be, because I will be gone. One of the weird by-products of transition is in full force for me these days; the realization that life will go on without us.

Wow, when I write it that way, it sounds really egocentric, which is really not my intention. I do realize that life goes on in lots of places without us and the people are perfectly happy and content. I imagine most people in China will continue this way as well, though it's comforting to know that for a few people, there will be a time of sadness.

No, what I mean is that I am aware of the fact that we will no longer be a part of their lives the way we are now, and I want to be.

I am reminded when I'm handed a bulletin for the fall activities and I politely decline, when the co-op schedule appears in my inbox and I don't even look at it, when I hear people talking about the race in October, the conference in January, I know that we will miss them all. Just today I told a friend that she really should get out to a local park in the fall because it's lovely. She can go. I can't.

Life goes on. Our friends must make plans. And we will be making plans without them, elsewhere.

But it's good to think back on all the days we've had together. (now the Cheers theme song jumps into my head). It's also good to know that we will be missed in all those future moments, just as we will miss being here.

Friends

In case you wonder if we live a lonely life over here in Asia, this is a recap of our week:

Thursday, we observed the Seder (celebrated the Seder? I'm not sure quite how to phrase that) with 3 other families. Friday, we had our group of about 20 over to watch Dan Allender and then discuss it in smaller groups (our group only has 7 people in it).  Saturday I took a group of 5 other friends to the dirt market with me by way of introduction (some had never been) and to help one of them redecorate her apartment. While I was doing that, Erik and the kids were at soccer practice. One of our friends is coaching all the kids in the neighborhood - probably about 25 of them. Afterwards they had a picnic with parents and siblings.

In the evening, we had two families over for a BBQ because it was beautiful outside. Then today after church we joined several other families for an Easter egg hunt and picnic on top of a nearby building. As we were wrapping up, Megan asked us if we had plans for dinner because one of her friends wanted to invite us all over. I'm looking at this week when we're going to have several families over for dinner on Wednesday night and then 7 little girls over to celebrate Megan's birthday on Friday night and I said, "Maybe not tonight." I mean this is awesome, but I think the introvert in me might be reaching her limit.

Scout's friend

Scout has a friend. Her name is Sunshine. She's owned by our friends, the Olivers, who got her from a woman who found her on the street about a year ago. We took care of Sunshine over the weekend which was thrilling for Scout - playtime ALL the time! They did settle down a little after their initial time together. Here they are:

And this picture is just to say, "I thought we bought a brown dog . . . ?"

Falling snakes, contraband explosives, and donkeys driving cars

Back in my younger days when I was oh so much more foolish, I pulled a bonehead move by passing a car so closely on a two lane highway that both the car I was passing and the car coming toward me were pulling off the road. That, I'm sorry to say, is how many overtaking experiences go down here in China. When this happens and you are the one being overtaken, it's tempting to scream something about the "donkey" driving the other car. But when it happened yesterday in our second Wild China adventure we refrained because there were children present.

We headed out of town about 100km in the other direction looking for a place called Black Dragon Pool. I decided I needed to gain more confidence in driving here so I took the wheel. It was mainly highway until the last 30 km, when it began to be winding mountain road. That's where we encountered said donkeys.

Once safely at our destination, we started hiking. Wow - we thought Ling Shan was a sight to see. This rivals stuff you see in Colorado! Beautiful rocky mountains dip down to flowing waterfalls and creeks. The kids were in heaven once we let them loose into the stream, where they became "undammers", helping the creek to flow as much as possible. Along the hike there were pools where you could rent little inflated boats for 20Y. After hiking all the way up and back, several of us paddled out, trying to get as close to the waterfall as we could. Many happy Chinese walked away that day with pictures of foreigners screaming with joy. Happiness all around.

Happiness turned to screaming on our way out though, when something dropped out of a hanging tree, landed on our friend's son's head, and smacked to the ground. It was a snake! It slithered away, thankful for someone to break its fall, and we spent the rest of the walk trying to encourage a six year old that having a snake fall on your head and living to tell is really super cool!

We decided to take the other way back home, which involved driving around the back side of the mountains. It took a lot longer but it was worth it! Wow - what views. At one corner there was an opportunity to climb up a short peak so we grabbed the chance. The second we were out of our vehicles, we were told by an ancient Chinese man standing there that the experience would cost us two kuai a piece. Ok, buddy, since you've planted your flag out here in the middle of nowhere, we'll oblige. But two kuai became so worth it when he started talking to Erik about something that would make a "boom boom" sound. He brought us over to his little cart of innocent drinks, lifted up his goods, and showed Erik the surely illegal grenade like explosives to be had for five kuai a piece. Who can pass up a chance to throw something into a deep valley and hear it explode? Not Americans! Erik pulled the pin, threw it, heard it hit the ground and said, "It didn't do anything." Two seconds later, kaboom!!

We ran into a few more donkeys driving cars on the rest of our drive. It was all worth it though to see such beautiful scenery and to give our kids a chance to roam freely in nature. What will we see next?

It doesn't get much better than this

Can I tell you about my weekend? Because it rocked. Friday night we had dinner at a friend's house here in our complex. It was a going away party for a Chinese friend who became a believer a year or two before we came to China. As we were leaving to go there, I prepared the kids for who we would see there, reminding them that this girl was their favorite babysitter when they were little. Megan said, "Is she the one who let us drop stuffed animals on her from Ethan's bed?" Uh, I guess so. I don't remember that happening. Since those days of pummeling, she has gotten married and had a little girl. They are moving to Ohio this week so he can study. Also present was one of our first Chinese friends, a teacher at a nearby university. We spent some time reminiscing, and she helped me with a few language questions I've had. It's amazing to think I've known these women for 10 years!

Yesterday morning I went to my friend Jen's house to help her finish painting her bedroom. She'd done most of it except a bit of the edging and one large spot in a corner. As I painted, I commented that the color seemed lighter. She said, "Yeah, I thought that last time I painted too but it dries darker." After an "I'm stuck halfway off this wardrobe" incident in which we both laughed hysterically (at me, because I was the stuck one) I realized the paint had dried and was still no darker. Turned out it was a different liter of paint we'd tried before the color she chose. Oops. Not so fun for Jen, but I enjoyed the time with her!

In the afternoon, our furniture man came. I don't know how it's all going to turn out, but he walked away with drawings and pictures for nine pieces of furniture he's going to make for us, and we were only $1,400 poorer. Nice.

In the evening, some friends came down another part of town and we shared a BBQ meal and celebrated Erik's birthday while our girls ran and giggled through the house. Ethan mostly watched. Our friends also tipped us off to the fact that this morning at their church, Steven Curtis Chapman was going to lead worship and speak. I love it when this happens (it's happened before - SCC likes China).

So after a six mile run in the early morning cool weather (have I mentioned how much I love the canal where I run?) we went and were hugely blessed by SCC, his sons, and Geoff Moore singing and sharing about their experience in China. Then they invited us to join in and led us in a bunch of worship songs. After the service we had a great lunch out with a load of friends, then came home.

I don't know how this weekend could have been better unless maybe there was a pony ride.

Saying Goodbye

One of the occupational hazards of being an expat is that people are always leaving. My first year in Singapore, I started to get to know a great girl named Wendy (no, not Wendy Wilson). I thought, "Hey, here's my new best friend! This is great!" only to have her say, "Oh, and we're leaving in April." So I had to start over.

Over the years we've said goodbye to way too many terrific people - Hausmans, Monsivaizs, Whites, Cochrums, Wallaces, Boeckers, Longs, Nobles, and the list goes on. Each of those names brings tears to my eyes. We did life with these people. We traveled with them, worked with them, had great fellowship through church and Bible study with them, we played with them. They have been what made Singapore great.

Next week when we board a plane to Minnesota, we'll be saying goodbye to two more families: the Wilsons and the Buttons. I first met Wendy in the fall of 2004 when we came here. I met her again when we joined the smal group at the Monsivaizs. I was thrilled to meet someone in Singapore who was homeschooling. In fact, those first few years, if she hadn't been my homeschool friend, who knows if I would have kept at it? Having another family we could play with and another mom I could talk to about how it was going made all the difference. Wendy has a real servant's heart and she has blessed me in countless ways - in particular by being an authentic person who shares her life freely with me.

I met Lindsey when she joined our study about a year later. My first impression was, "Wow, I like this girl. She's really fun!" Lindsey always has an encouraging word for me. She's the one who convinced me I could run a half marathon in August. Honestly, I never would have considered it without her saying I could! Lindsey's another great woman of God who is transparent with her life in a way that invites others in.

Last spring Wendy, Lindsey, and I, along with our friends Fiona and Jamie, had a Wednesday morning Bible study. It was one of the best things I've done in Singapore and now that they're leaving I consider that time precious. Last night we had our official farewell to both couples with lots of good food, some photo montage videos, and prayer. We all tried our best not to cry - I think once someone started we would have all lost it. This is the part of being an expat I hate, but thinking back on all the great times with these families, the pain of this time is worth it for the blessing I've experienced!

Taking Care of Miles

We had the opportunity last night to watch our friends Jamie and Jason's new son Miles, while they went away for the night. Miles was adopted when he was just a day old, and he's coming up on two months now. It was a fun way to see how our kids reacted to having a baby in the house. Here's the gist of it: for Megan, he was "Someone willing to receive all my extra love, hugs and kisses! I want a baby brother!!!" For Ethan, he was, "Someone who has brought a whole new set of things for me to worry about! When is he leaving?!?"

From the minute we picked him up it was obvious:
Megan wanted to sit next to him.
Ethan didn't want her to touch him.
Megan wanted to comfort him when he didn't enjoy the car ride.
Ethan wanted us to be done with the car ride because he was very concerned that Miles was whimpering.
Megan wanted to hold him immediately.
Ethan wanted to know why he was fussing.
Megan wanted to kiss him and feed him.
Ethan wanted to know if he was going to be woken up during the night.
Megan wanted to hold him even though he was crying.
Ethan really wanted mommy to hold him so he might stop crying.
Megan wanted to put the pacifier in his mouth.
Ethan wanted Megan to STOP trying to put the pacifier in his mouth.

And on it went.

You could get the idea that Ethan is a bit cold hearted, but he just has a high value on order and is quite protective. He was genuinely concerned that Megan might do some damage to Miles with all her touching and finagling. He also has been having a hard time sleeping lately, so he was worried about his night. Thankfully Miles didn't cry at all at night - I had to wake him to feed him (he's been having this reflux issue) and when I did he woke right up and gave me a smile like, "Hey lady. What's up? Milk? Yeah, sure, I'm cool with that."

The kids are at a movie with Erik right now and I'm about to take Miles to his next home stay - kind of like a progressive dinner, but with a baby. Hopefully Megan won't be too disappointed that he's gone when she gets home. I think Ethan will be relieved.

Mae Sa Valley day 2

Our resort offered a variety of handicraft activities, so our three families chose papermaking for the morning. We picked leaves and flowers, flattened a ball of fiber over a screen, and made patterns in it which what we'd picked. They took it from us and set it out to dry. Then we stirred a huge vat of fiber filled water and took turns scooping it up with a screen, which makes thinner paper. We got to take our creations home (yay! Another carry on!). As I watched my kids stirring with wooden paddles I thought, "Yeah, I didn't do this as a kid. We're really blessed in a unique way."

After another painfully slow lunch, we spent the afternoon at the stream. Well, most of the kids did - I spent the afternoon with Megan playing garbage, this new card game we learned. She was surprisingly happy to stay back at the cabin and play. I think she just enjoyed having me or Erik all to herself.

For dinner we thought we'd try something down the road thinking it would be faster. Think again weary travelers! We found a roadside place that looked promising, until we realized that their English was non-existent and so were many of the items on their menu. The first family got their food within a reasonable amount of time, although one person did get a green Fanta when a Sprite was ordered. After more than an hour, I started realizing how people on reality shows like Survivor get so petty and shallow - they're hungry! The kids were going a bit stir crazy, and then the waitress came out and said, "All done?" to which we all protested vehemently. Turns out when they brought the Pad Thai for the first order, they crossed it out on all three, and so on for all subsequent food. Long story somewhat shorter, we got there at 6 and left at 8. So much for fast.

After the kids went to bed, we adults entertained ourselves playing Bang (card game) and watching season 3 of The Office. It's a funny show to begin with, but when you're watching with others, it's even funnier. I'm tempted to launch into a string of quotes from the show, but I'll abstain. Thus ends day 2.

Mae Sa Valley

After weeks of "are we or aren't we?" waffling, based mostly on our inability to contact any resorts near Chiang Mai, and compounded by Megan's accident, we decided to spend our extra four days after the conference in the Mae Sa Valley outside of Chiang Mai with our friends, the Hausmans and Olivers.

We were a little afraid that Megan's foot might slow us down, or limit our activities, but she's been taking her cast in stride. We were a little daunted when we saw that our resort is built into a hill (lots of stairs!) but it's beautiful and fun. A little like being in a hobbit village, with all its cute little bungalow topped with straw. It's a bit primitive, I'll admit, but kids don't seem to notice much and we just pretend we're doing high end camping. The kids were surprised by the temperature - after living in Singapore, they can't conceive of places that are in the 50's in the morning and then warm up later in the day. So we've been somewhat unprepared for that aspect. Funny that the Singaporeans dwellers have to come to a cold place to vacation for a change.

Mae Sa Valley day 1
We spent a little time exploring the grounds, and the kids decided the river was the most appealing fun. Ethan has never met a river he didn't want to cross. Once they'd all taken turns falling in, we went for dinner. There's a nice little restaurant there, but the number of tables was deceiving, as it appeared they only had enough cooking equipment to serve one family at a time. Our six adult, eight child group overwhelmed them, as did our inability to speak Thai. Erik's always mocked my mime background, but it sure does come in handy in those situations. As the temperatures dropped, we retreated to our cabins and were thankful for thick comforters.

Mae Sa Valley day 3

Thailand and elephant rides seem to go hand in hand. So we piled into our rented car and threw some extras on motorbikes and headed down the road to the Mae Sa Elephant Camp. We were late, so we thought, "We'll just ride the elephants now and come back later for the show" which turned out to be a good idea. I knew that the thrill of elephant rides has worn off for me when within a minute of starting I sighed and rested my head in my hand. Really, it does get old.

The show in the afternoon was mildly entertaining, though trying to keep our kids from running out in front of the wandering elephants afterwards proved nervewracking. We thought about going to a nearby waterfall, but realized the kids would be just as happy playing in the stream again. The men even got into it and tried to dam it. I'll give them an A for effort.

We adults had a brilliant idea for dinner. The Hausmans took the early shift for dinner from 4:30-6:30 while we and the Olivers watched all the kids. Then they put a video in for the kids while the rest of us went out to dinner. We ate at a place near a waterfall, with beautiful umbrellas lit by lanterns, and I thought, "I love my job!" We get to live in this amazing place and travel to places I never dreamed I would be. The food was great, although it could have been stale and tasteless and we probably would have been happy just because it came right away. We asked for a dinner menu which was all in Thai aside from "caramel custard" and "homemade ice cream." Erik asked about another one, and all we could make out from the broken English was "beans" and something that sounded a lot like, "raw meat." We passed, but they brought it anyway! No raw meat, but kidney beans and some other questionable items floating in a warm sweet soup. Very common in this part of the world.

Before bed, we spent an hour talking about what we learned at our conference, then, to counteract that depth, we watched a few more episodes of The Office. Oh, and the Hausmans found about 1,000 ants in their bathroom, starting from the corner, running down the wall, across the back of the toilet, and having a hey day all over their toilet seat. That's enough to make you want to hold it for a good long time.

Pictures to come when I find my card reader.

Another Joyous Reunion

Ethan once said of his friend Jackson, "Mommy, you know my friend Jackson? God gave him to me, to be my friend." Jackson and Ethan have known each other since the day Ethan was born and despite the miles between them, Ethan still claims Jackson as his best friend. Megan says the same about Jackson's sister Emma. In fact, we just love their whole family! They lived near us for our first five years in Asia - our best times of true community have been with them, doing life together and having a great time.

The kids haven't seen each other for a year and a half, but when the boys first saw each other on Tuesday, they shouted each others' names and ran for a huge hug. The girls were a little more hesitant, but within a few minutes they were back to old times. I thought I'd show another old/new comparison like I did with Ethan and Ellee. The first picture was taken in April 2004 before we moved to Singapore, when the boys were 4 and the girls were 2. The kids are already asking, "When can we see them again?"

Together again!

In the fall of 2003, a sad thing happened to our family - our closest friends left us for six months. I though Ethan might shrivel up for loss of his best friend Jackson, but God saw fit to send the Rygh family to live next door. From day one, Ethan and Ellee were together every day, sometimes in quite comfortable settings as you can see here. They loved each other, and Ethan has sworn that he will marry Ellee someday. Her mother and I are in full agreement and plan to do everything we can to ensure that it takes place.


This picture shows them literally on day 1. What bonds kids better than sharing Chinese fruit snacks?

After a three year drought, we've finally been able to catch up with Ellee and her family. It was a slow start, but once Ethan showed Ellee how to play Star Wars lego computer game, it was like no time had passed.

How cute is this crew? Isaac and Hannah round out the Rygh clan (with little Josiah hopefully coming from Guatemala soon!). We've talked about the possibility of Megan and Isaac . . .

What we've been doing lately

Here's a random photo record of our last few days. Enjoy!

I had to snap a picture of this guy. Ok, how inclined are you to hire a man who appears to be blindly sautering his own fingers together? And look at all that stuff behind him that he's ruined! This is as bad as the moving company called "Hand Removal Service." Think people, think.

Ah, much better. Now there's a couple of cute girls if I say so myself.

What could be more fun that decorating a coconut? Ethan's den did this as part of their end of the year banquet. I love our multinational crew.

Ethan scored big time Thursday night by finding a Lego set for about 1/3 of the original price. He was up at 6:30 to put it together.

He did this whole project almost on his own. It's the biggest Lego thing he's built so far. He got stuck a few times but we navigated the problems together.

Ta da! It only took him the better part of a day, but he's prouder than proud of his new Lego creation. He talks incessantly about Exoforce Legos.

Ethan's latest trick is to balance on this ladder which is supposed to be connected to his bed. The screws are stripped so it never stays on. After we move we're nailing it to the bed!

You can't see them all that well, but Megan spent her Friday afternoon room time dressing her animals up "for Halloween."

When Megan should have been sleeping Thursday night, I found her making beds for all her stuffed animals on her trundle bed. She is one of the most nurturing and compassionate little girls I know.

Megan and her best friend Faith, waiting for chocolate waffles on their trusty scooters. I took my kids and my neighbor's girls across the street for breakfast this morning. Afterwards we played in the hot hot sun for an hour.

Ethan and his good friend Naomi, who will be leaving us soon, enjoying waffles at the hawker center.

Evidence of our vacation

So here it is - photographic evidence that I didn't fabricate my previous post.



The kids spent a good portion of their pool time climbing these stairs and coming down the slide in as many different ways as they could imagine. And that waterfall is the poor man's massage (Karen and I still decided to partake in the more expensive one at the hotel's spa).



This man is explaining how they harvest rubber out of this tree. Unfortunately soon after this photo our battery died so we don't have pictures of the cool house where we ate, or the old Malaysian man with, I kid you not, four teeth in the front of his mouth.



This is the beginning of the nighttime firefly tour on the river. Notice how the kids all look excited and happy. This look was diminished by the end, partially because it was late and partially because Ethan was at the beginning of a head cold. They were able to catch several fireflies in their hands though - these were tiny, the size of mosquitoes.

I'm afraid this boy was born to fish. My dad warned me never to marry a man who fishes or hunts, because I would never see him on weekends. Looks like if I'm going to see my son, I may have to take up fishing myself.


Here's Megan and Faith once again. These two have the best time together. They'll have to make the most of it, because the Hausman clan will be moving in about 2 months. And so the mourning in the Butz household continues.

Back to Desaru

In a serendipitous moment, we planned a vacation several months ago with another family here, not knowing that by the time we went, they would have made the decision to move away in June. So our four days in Desaru, Malaysia, were especially precious as our days with the Hausman family are numbered.

We took the 10 a.m. ferry on Sunday which put us in Malaysia at about 10:30 (you can actually swim to Malaysia if you want to, but we were going a little further north). A van took us to our resort, the Pulai Desaru, where we immediately donned swimsuits and jumped in the pool while they finished making up our rooms. Our fun in the sun lasted so long that all of us were much more red than we should be. The kids even blistered on their noses. For those of you who don't know, I am the Sunscreen Nazi, so the fact that I forgot to reapply filled me with remorse for the rest of the trip. They are now quarantined inside the house until it is completely gone.

But back to our trip. Erik and I went to this resort last year during monsoon season. We thought that was why it was basically deserted. Turns out it's always deserted, except on the weekend! So our two families had the run of the place. We enjoyed the beach, the pools, the "kid's club" indoor play area, and a nighttime firefly tour on the river.

One highlight for me though was a Kampong tour. We drove 1/2 hour to a traditional Malay village and our guide showed us the various indigenous trees they harvest, including rubber, starfruit, mangosteen, curry, and coffee. He graciously gave the kids samples of each, which they clutched in their little hands like treasures. Megan made the mistake of poking her bit of rubber through the grates of the chicken coop, where a curious chick took it from her. Ethan was kind enough to share some of his stash with his distraught little sister.

After looking at the trees, we had lunch with a Malay family in their house, which is 100 years old! Up on short stilts, it had low ceilings and an open feeling to let the breezes through. They entertained us after lunch with a traditional drum song.

Another reason Erik and I wanted to return to this resort was because last time we ate the best food ever there. Unfortunately, they seem to have changed cooks. The food was ok - I stepped out of my comfort zone and ate Malay food like Mee Goreng and something else I can't remember. The kids had so much junk food that we are doing two days of detox with lots of fruits and veggies.

All in all though, very relaxing and enjoyable.

Ethan's all-boy poolside dinosaur birthday!