You Know You're In China When . . .

All eyes are unabashedly on you.

Taxi drivers consistently pull over to pick you up while you are out on a run. Do they not notice the difference between someone in a hurry and someone who is exercising? What makes this more strange is the fact that there are many people exercising in street clothes and dress shoes. They must really get hit on.

Cotton blossoms float in the air like giant snowflakes that can't land. Note to self: keep your mouth shut while you walk.

There is a huge urn in the middle of the new apartment you're trying to rent, and the landlady insists that it is good to have it because the winters are dry, and this could be filled with water.

You can stare directly at the sun through the haze.

You head toward a group of people in a park because they are white people, only to realize they are not YOUR white people.

People videotape you and your friends at your picnic just because you are foreigners.

You eat out with nine other people and the divided bill comes to $3 a person.

You figure out that when the land lady said the water damage on the wall of your apartment was from a dog, it didn't come from his mouth.

You eat kung pao chicken five times in three days.

You throw random Chinese words into conversation with other foreigners and it doesn't phase them.

You can't make your room colder because the hotel isn't going to turn the air conditioners on until April 15th no matter how hot it is.