Now that we're back home, I've been wondering about all that we learned and talked about during re-LEAF. And I'm left wondering, "What now?" I feel like God has made me acutely aware of some places in my heart which I had thought were at rest, but which in fact are not. Maybe on a surface level they were, but He is revealing the deeper roots of pain and loss that fuel habits of self-protection and attempts to find life on my own.
It's tempting to want to push away those feelings of unrest until I feel comfortable again, but I know that the path to peace isn't away from the pain but through it. As our friend Bruce said,
“The heart struggling with remaining intact is the heart that, at its core, knows little deep peace, little deep joy, as well as little deep oneness with the Father and others. It fears many things and therefore clings to old familiar structures and ways in a final attempt to keep a sense of identity and control. But it yearns to trust, give freely, and to know the thrill of intimacy. The antidote is, of course, to come to the Father to find what it has always been searching for, and trying to provide on its own. “