What's Behind That Anger?

I've spent a lot of time this spring thinking about and processing rage. I've become convinced of several things:

1. We're all angry
2. Anger expresses itself in many forms - contempt, control, performance - besides what we think of as anger
3. Anger is a cover for something deeper the majority of the time
4. We will not stop being angry unless we deal with whatever is under it

I just finished a good book called Faces of Rage. I'll tell you more about it some other time. This morning, though, my rage thoughts come from dealing with a very angry little girl. Yes, that's right - sweet little Megan has an angry streak. How could she not with that mane of flaming red hair? Megan's always had a tough time expressing what she's really feeling, and lately she's managed that the way many of us do - she gets angry instead.

So, figuring that there was something under the anger, I tried a little exercise. I asked her to draw what she was feeling. Mostly she just wanted to break the colored pencils or throw them. I drew a heart and asked if she could write what was in it. She couldn't. I asked her to pick any color and draw with it. She picked red and scribbled. She wrote "Angry!" She scribbled with black. Then gray.

I drew a man, a big man, out of red. I explained that being angry makes us feel big and powerful so we don't have to feel other things underneath. I took another pencil and drew arrows out from behind our red man that showed maybe he was hiding things like "hurt" or "sad" or "fear." She finally said, "I know" and drew an arrow that said, "Stress."

She was feeling a little overwhelmed by all that she felt she "had" to do today (which was surprising to me given that it's summer and the only things she really had to do today were 10 minutes of Chinese homework and taking a shower). Digging a little deeper, it seems the stress also covered the sadness of the attachment she's formed to our friends' cousin who is visiting and will be leaving on Friday. For the next 5 minutes Megan cried about several things that are weighing on her.

I can't say we got to the bottom of everything - my default these days is to assume that transition stress is at play too -  but I do know that suddenly now I have a very different girl who is happily filling water balloons for an epic neighborhood fight later. It's a good reminder of the importance of looking anger in the face and asking myself, "Hmm . . . what's really going on here?" Apparently doing so can be quite freeing. :)

Day 20 - Bokeh

 Confession: I had to look this one up. If I'm understanding correctly, it's when you have light in the picture somewhere that is blurred. So here's my best effort:

Sometimes I take too many pictures for their liking

Conversation about the future

Me, "Megan, when you're done being the best soccer player in the world, will you be a coach?"

Megan, "No."

Me, "What will you do then?"

Megan, "I'll keep playing soccer."

Me, "You mean even when you're an old lady."

Megan, "Yep."

Me, "But how will you make money?"

Megan, "I'll just kick the ball around."

Me, "And people will pay to watch an old lady kick a ball around?"

Megan, "Yep."

Let's hope she's a REALLY interesting soccer ball kicker into her old age.

Celebrating Megan

A friend of mine gave birth to a daughter Thursday, April 15th, which brought back all the memories of my own experience 8 years ago (in the exact same room!). We're so thankful we've been blessed with this little girl! She is a tomboy who can spend hours playing with her stuffed animals, loves her friends, wrestles with her brother, is determined to be the best soccer player in the world, is growing in her confidence in front of others (but doesn't lack any with those she knows!), is our family clown, has a sweet, sensitive heart that longs to be connected to us, and is sharp as a whip when it comes to school.

For her 8th birthday, she wanted a soccer party. This was a great idea in theory. But in an effort to limit the mass number of children who could be invited to Megan's party, we chose only girls close to her age. Most of these girls didn't have a clue how to play soccer, and if they did, they weren't really interested in it. Megan had grand schemes to play a game of soccer. We started instead with some soccer drill games like "red light, green light" and "sharks and minnows." I could see most of the girls were losing interest, so we set them free to just play in the courtyard. Megan tried to engage her friends in a game of soccer, but when she told one of them, "You play defense" and her friend responded, "What's defense?" I think she knew enough to give up.

Still, a good time was had by all!

Megan's List

Megan is a writer, like her mama (see my homeschool blog for the notes she took during our science experiment). Here's a list she made back in October. My favorite is #7.

And a few more . . .

Megan decided to get down on the floor to do Wii Fit with me yesterday. As she did she commented, "Ok, let's get this DONE!"

Today as she sat on my lap, she grabbed my sweater and said, "This is a mammal! It has fur!" Don't worry, it's not that our science curriculum is lacking. She just knows how to say something that will crack me up.

Kid quotes

The kids have been shooting out the classic quotes lately. Or at least I think so. Overhead at the Butz house recently:

Ethan, "Let's hope the Korean falls, perhaps." This said as we watched an American compete against a Korean in the 1,000 meter speed skating heat.

Megan, "I'm all milky!" after consuming a little box of chocolate milk in one go.

Ethan, "Mom, I think I've outgrown coloring." Ok, good to know.

Megan, "Mom, what's the key to life?" I think she got this from a movie. I hopefully supplied her with a better answer than the one the cartoon animals gave her.

Gold Digger

I was delighted recently to find both Glee season 1 soundtracks at the DVD store. We've been listening to them in the car on the way to the north part of town and back. One of the songs is a cover of Kanye West's Gold Digger. As we were driving home the other night it was playing, and Megan piped up, "I'm digging for another kind of gold!" Said with finger up her nose. Nice.

God's workmanship

We were laying on my bed this afternoon reading Johnny Tremain for homeschool, and Megan said, "Look mom," pointing at the wrinkles on the inside of her elbow, "Here's where God stitched me together!"

In Minnesota, we'd call that, "Oh for cute!"

Megan, Editor in Chief

Megan enjoys writing stories on the Scholastic website. I just sat down at my computer and saw this partly composed story:

There is a parrot who loves peanut butter and jelly.His name is Freddy.He is very funny.He is also very crazy.He wants to travel the world and climb Mt.Everest to the tipy top.And he is doing that today!But he is not flying there he's driving!Becuase he want's to bring his peanut butter and jelly sandwich's!He's going with his friend Jack and he also love's peanut butter andjelly!And he's bringing lot's of peanut butter and jelly sandwich's too!

I'm not sure how it's going to end, but it seems exciting so far, judging by the number of exclamation points. Will give you the ending as it comes off the press.

What's happening in this picture?

Ok so here's the story. Megan has an American Girl doll named Nellie. Nellie's best friend is Samatha, who is being phased out. Megan really wanted her for her birthday, but she knew of the "phasing out" and believed it was too late. Little did she know that fast acting Nonna bought Samatha ages ago and saved her for her birthday. We brought her back in January and surprised Megan with her on Monday night at our family birthday celebration (I'm going to be gone over Megan's birthday next week).

After the intial shock (she looked at me like, "Really? Is it really her?!") Samatha was welcomed into the community of Megan's room, which is over populated by a plethora of stuffed animals.

Another of her birthday presents was a new toy oven - a pink one that she had seen online, which we also managed to pack in our luggage (before assembly of course). For some reason, Megan decided to combine these two gifts and put her American Girl dolls in the oven. Both girls were cooked at once as this is a dual oven. Nothing but the best for our daughter.

This morning Megan assessed that Samantha had died in the oven over night and proceeded to gather flowers for a funeral. This is the funeral assembly. Quite a variety of mourners. Samantha's life was short, but she was obviously well loved. Either that or it's just general curiosity which brought such a crowd of onlookers.

Another toe injury

I heard the scream from up in my bedroom. The "I'm in pain, prepare yourself for blood" scream. Megan and Ethan were playing with neighbor kids down on the playground. I looked out the window and saw Megan high tailing it toward the elevator.

I couldn't go down before she got to the elevator, so I just waited on our floor, listening as her scream grew more intense with each floor. When the doors opened, my eyes scanned her body thinking, "Where's the blood?" It was her big toe.

I scooped her up and took her to the bathroom, suspecting it was not as worse as the blood made it appear. I sat her down on the counter and she asked me, "Can you see all the way to my bone?"

Only a little girl who has been through the toe trauma she's experienced would even think to ask a question like that. My heart just broke for her and the fear she must have been feeling. She thought she'd done it all over again.

While I bandaged her toe, she said, "If only I had been wearing shoes, it wouldn't have happened. I should have been wearing shoes." She said a similar thing to me a few weeks at night. She said, "Mommy, if I'd paid attention to the sign that said to be careful, my magic toe would curl." For those of you new to reading my blog, she's referring to the great Croc vs. escalator incident of '08. It's hard to see her feel regret over choices that anyone would make. But a great opportunity to teach her how to extend grace to herself.

This girl needs to be on the stage

Megan had Ethan and I chuckling in the car on the way to gymnastics, so much so that I finally said, "Megan, you're so funny!"

She responded with, "I'm DELICIOUS!"

A conversation with Lisa

While we were enjoying Slumdog Millionaire (the best movie I've seen in YEARS), our maid Lisa was having this conversation with Megan:

Lisa, commenting on Megan getting rid of her baby doll, "Do you think I should keep this baby doll and when I have a baby I can give it to her to play with?"

Megan, "But what if you have a boy?"

Lisa, "I will ask God to give me a girl."

Megan, "You think he will just drop a girl down to you?"

Lisa, "No, I will ask him to put a baby in my tummy."

Megan, "You know you have an egg in your tummy right now."

Lisa, "I know. So do you."

Megan, "Yes, but I'm not going to use it."

Lisa, "Why not?"

Megan, "I'm not going to get married."

Lisa, "Maybe when you're 30, you'll tell your mom and dad that you want to get married."

Megan, "Nope, I'm never going to get married."

Build a Bear

Megan's top favorite things to do in the world are: write notes, play with stuffed animals, dress and mother her dolls, and play kitchen. If she can combine these activities, say in hosting a restaurant complete with hand written menus for her dolls and animals, it's like a little slice of heaven.

So it's no surprise that when she found the Build a Bear store here several months ago, her primary objective became, "Save enough money to buy a build a bear." This week, mission accomplished. She tromped down there with her wallet bulging ($12 in bills and the rest in coins) and plopped down $25.90 for the brown sugar dog (sadly, it's only US$10 in the States!). She had been saving up for this white dog with pink and red hearts, but it's no longer available here.

If you aren't familiar, in this store you buy a deflated animal. They take you to a machine full of fluff, and the kid gets to push on a foot pedal which allows the fluff to fill up your animal. Then they let you put a little red silk heart inside before they sew it closed. Next, they put your animal in a little "shower" and let you brush it while it is subjected to air flow so strong it could potentially strip it clear of fur altogether. Then, if you so desire, you can choose from a hundred fun little outfits for your animal, including accessories like boxer shorts and roller skates. I told Megan I would buy her one outfit. She chose the super bear outfit. Then she was able to choose a name (Jack) and print out his birth certificate.

She's been having a great time flying Jack around the house, but she's already informed me that it will be more fun when Jack has friends and more clothes. Her next aim is the zebra, because she will be able to buy roller skates for it. So if you are close enough to us that you'd like to buy Megan a gift in the foreseeable future, Build a Bear gift certificates would be like gold to her.

The Cost of Peace of Mind

When your daughter has had a fever for three days and suddenly starts complaining that her neck hurts a lot, the wise doctors on the web say "Go to the hospital immediately!" So I did.

I suspected it might just have been stiffness from lack of activity, or too much movie watching (she's been a pretty tired little girl) but it was 7 p.m. and I didn't want to wait until midnight, realize I really should have taken her in, and then spent a miserable night in the ER, or worse yet, have a really sick little girl.

Thankfully Lisa the maid could stay with Ethan, so Megan grabbed her pink bear for comfort and we went. The ER at the KK Children's Hospital here is a slick operation. S$80 will cover everything you do during your visit. We got in to see the doctor quickly, and she ordered a blood test to rule out meningitis. We had to wait what they said would be 40-60 minutes but which turned into more like 90 for the results. You know what's cute for about 5 seconds? Those squeaky shoes people put on their toddlers. You know what's not cute after 90 minutes? Yeah.

I did get a chance to be entertained by watching I Survived a Japanese Game Show for the first and hopefully only time. Don't get me wrong - I laughed, but watching that level of shame and pettiness is something I can skip. Where do they get the people for reality shows? One of the great mysteries of life.

Before the blood test, the doctor said she didn't suspect it was meningitis, but wanted to be sure. I called Ethan because I knew he would be worried. Somewhere in his life he developed a deep fear of illness - is it post traumatic syndrome from living through SARS? I don't know. He told me he'd been very worried, and Lisa told him to read his Bible. Man, I love this woman. He said, "So I went to Lego Bible and then played a few games and felt better."
One of these days I need to convince my son that Lego Bible is not the same as the other Bible.

After all was said and done, the doctor said she just has a viral fever and it can run its course. I have to say, a Singaporean accent is sometimes hard for me to understand. But a Singaporean accent in a hospital full of screaming babies, when spoken through a surgical mask, might as well be another language. But she got the job done and we were back home by 9:30 p.m.

Going to an emergency room at 7 p.m. in Singapore: S$80. Finding out that your daughter just has yet another tropical mystery illness and NOT meningitis: Priceless.

Sad Megan

Instead of writing about the book she finished today, Megan and I decided it would be good for her to write about how she was feeling since daddy left on another trip today. Here's what she wrote:

"Today my daddy went on a trip. and I'm sad that daddy left. I didn't want daddy to leave. But he had to leave. I wanted daddy to never go to other countrys (sic) unless he brought me with him. But he has to go because he has meetings in that country."

It was a very emotional time. I anticipate a repeat at bedtime.

Megan's latest

Wednesday is dessert night in our house, which usually means either a trip down to McDonald's for sundaes, or brownies. This week the kids opted for a movie instead, and Megan asked for popcorn. At first she asked politely, but after waiting too long, she escalated to this,
"Mommy, could you please make me some popcorn? Right now? At once?! Immediately?!?!?!"

If she weren't so cute . . .

(she told me later that this is a direct quote from the Geronimo Stilton book she's reading)

What to do

Megan just handed me this note:

I need more to do today. and one thing is play with friends. and another thing is read paws off cheder (sic) face. or play junior monopoly with mommy.

So I'm off to play Junior Monopoly.

Holiday mix-up

In the pool yesterday I said to Megan, "Hey, you've never been back in the U.S. for Thanksgiving. That'll be so much fun! We'll have to decorate the table with leaves."

Megan: "Or maybe hearts!"

Me: "Ok . . . why hearts? Are you thinking of Valentines Day?"

Megan: "Um, yeah." She seemed a little disappointed that there would not be hearts.