I’ve learned something by being an avid follower of others on Pinterest: lots of people have blogs. Interesting blogs. Blogs that seem to have legions of followers and generate money. One blog I found raised $25,100 in 10 hours, and no one gave over $25. That’s a lot of people interested in one blog.
So here’s the problem: I’m jealous. I want people to read my blog and tell their friends about it and want to advertise on my blog because it would be good business. I want people to ask me to review things on my blog and offer me book deals because of it and maybe even a reality show (side note: I would NEVER want to be on a reality show. But I wouldn’t mind being asked). In short, I want attention.
I don’t like that I want attention. I wish it weren’t true, but it is. So instead of denying it, I want to look it in the face and say, “What’s up girlfriend? You want to tell me why this is so important to you?” In a nice way. You know, a way that makes her want to sit down over a cup of coffee (or in my case, an ice cold Coke Zero) and spill her guts.
And I think what she/I would say is that as much as God has opened my eyes to how I use the attention of others to find value and has given me freedom in it, it will always be a temptation for me. A strong one. One that makes me not even want to look at the internet because I don’t want to see another person who seems to be getting more attention than me. So what do I do with that?
I think I let myself grieve it, first of all – grieve the fact that despite my redemption, there are parts of me that seek life and love in places other than God. I confess it as sin, because it is – a prideful attempt to justify myself. Then I thank Him for the love and grace He has for me that He would show me this and not leave me blind to it. And I thank Him that it can be less and less true all the time, by His Spirit transforming my heart. I remind myself that life is about His glory, not my own, and that all my worth is found in Him. That’s good news.