Where I Am

Every Christian I know says they want to be spiritually mature. I know I do. I just want it without the hardship. Unfortunately, that's just not how it works.

I'm listening right now to Rich Mullins' "Where You Are" (Rich Mullins is a great comfort in times of trial). "And where you are ain't where you wish that you was - your life ain't easy and the road is rough - but where you are is where He promised to be - from the ends of the world to every point of need." There are so many reasons to rejoice in where we are, but things have changed - primarily in regard to our friendships and community - and it isn't the way I'd choose for it to be. But the theme of my life since coming to Singapore has been "dependence" - God slowly stripping away the things that I depend on besides Him. I thought He'd done a pretty good job up to this point, but coming back just feels like He said, "Nope, not enough - we're going to have to take this away too." I was talking with some friends the other day about how ruthless God can be to prune us from all the hinders us from knowing and relying on Him. He is relentless, but He is good. So while I grieve the loss of the way life was, I am strangely thrilled to see what comes of this. I am excited for the opportunity to trust Him more, to see how He provides, how He "satisfies our needs in a sun-scorched land" (Isaiah 58:11).

As difficult as this time has felt to me, I am convicted of my obvious addiction to comfort. I spent some time reading a magazine for missionary women recently, and considering their situations, (living in jungles without any modern conveniences, far away from other women who speak their language, no phones, no internet) I realized that I am fairly weak when it comes to "suffering." Not to diminish how I feel, but it puts perspective on my life. Am I really going to complain when I have SO much? It was a good reminder to choose to focus my attention on the blessings I have, not the things I am called to do without right now.