Finding Me

Having a bit more free time this summer, I've taken advantage of it to do a little self-discovery. Every couple weeks I hit the library and check out old issues of magazines that strike my fancy, then write down or photocopy pages that are of interest (is that illegal? I plead ignorance). I've started a book that is a collection of who I am and who I want to be. Two of the themes that have come out are that I would describe my life as "creative order." I like things simple and organized, but I like my life to express who I am in the midst of that, to express something unique and personal.

Second, I have discovered that I want to be more brave. I suppose the choices I've made in life, like living overseas for eight years, having babies in China, etc. etc. might suggest that I am already brave, but the truth is I'm not. This has come to mind particularly this summer as we've got a little girl in our family who is quite shy. When we were in Vermont, she went to the day camp for two days and did not want to go. She kept saying she was too scared. We told her being brave doesn't mean you're never scared - you just choose to do what you fear, and when you do, you become a little more brave for the next time. Hmm . . . good advice Gina.

So I have tried to seek moments of being brave this summer, opportunities to live the way I want to live, uncensored by me or anyone else. It feels good. One of those times was in Vermont, on our Segway tour. I am not a good downhill skier because I have too much fear of the potential pain of falling, and I hate going so fast I feel out of control. Although the Segway only goes a breakneck 12 miles per hour, it was a step for me to trust that machine and go off roading in it. But what a rush! At one point when we were at the top of the ski hill, our guide said, "Ok, we're going to go down this hill now" on a rocky path. I took a deep breath and plunged in. So yay - look at me. I'm growing.