Confessions

Confession: I don't love China right now. It's been a long time since I've felt that way, but two months of a Minnesota summer will do that to you (Minnesota summers are the BEST!). It was hard to come back to pollution (more than usual!) and crowded, lawless streets, and "what is that smell??" and people staring at me and "I can't remember how to say that" and "I never learned how to say that in the first place."

Erik and I have been wondering why it's so hard this time. We were in the States a year and a half ago, and we didn't mind coming back then. Then we remembered that we were in Minnesota in the winter (Minnesota winters are NOT the best).

Confession 2: I'm not loving my responsibilities right now. This isn't surprising given that our Minnesota summer included grandparents and aunts and uncles who often shared the load of watching kids, and even if they didn't we weren't homeschooling which is my most time consuming responsibility. I thought those two months off would refresh me to start back up again, but it appears they made my responsibility muscles atrophy. I don't want to do anything.

Add jet lag and a little sickness and you've got a Gina who would really like to lay on the couch all day watching Hulu. This is not a viable long term option.

I've been praying a lot about how I've been feeling, and God has been gracious to remind me that my calling here isn't dependent on how I feel about it. Every moment of frustration or difficulty can be an opportunity for me to offer my heart again to Him, to say, "I will gladly endure this for Your sake." And really, if smells and crowds are my "sacrifice" I think I'm getting off easy.

As for responsibilities, I know this is all an opportunity to rely on His power, and to choose joy and gratitude. I know this in my head, and I'm hoping that it will eventually make its way to my heart. I'd appreciate your prayers!