Thoughts on pouring myself out

One summer back in my days of angst, I camped out in the book of Ecclesiastes (Ecclesiastes, with all its "life is meaningless"talk is perfect for angst). I spent a long time in, and even wrote a poem about, chapter 11. The gist of it is, "You don't know what God is going to do with your life, so let Him fill you up and then pour yourself out and see what He does."

I've been thinking about being poured out lately. Now that I'm settled into life here, I hear God calling me to give of myself - who I am, what I have, what I can do. This thought was further reinforced when I read this post at Donald Miller's blog this morning.

So now I'm asking myself - what is my field to plow? And am I plowing it well? Good thoughts.

Surprise date

I love surprises. Really, honestly, I do. Surprise me sometime. As long as it's a nice surprise, and not anything embarrassing.

Erik surprised me this week with a special date. He told me that we were going to have family night on Thursday, but that morning announced that we were leaving the kids behind. I was told to wear something nice, that our helper was staying late to watch the kids, and we were leaving at 5. I figured there must be entertainment involved, and I was hoping that we might be going to Riverdance. I saw advertisements a long time ago and wasn't even sure when it was taking place, so I didn't hope TOO much.

We drove downtown and parked near the "Moscow Restaurant." That's where the parking attendant unintentionally let the cat out of the bag by asking if we were there to see the Riverdance performance. Yes! Even though it was only 5:30, the wait for the restaurant was ridiculously long. We had waited 1/2 hour when some of our friends happened to show up. One of them had been helping the Riverdance crew with translation and finding local musicians. We ditched the Moscow Restaurant and went with them to Big Pizza instead. Yeah, I know that sounds like a big step down in dining, but I'm all about a place where I can have a salad bar without waiting. What can I say? I'm a cheap date.

Well, for dinner anyway. I'm sure that 18th row tickets weren't cheap. But what was priceless was that our friend took us backstage with him where we witnessed the dancers warming up. I have this to say about what I saw back there: I'm no professional dancer, but it just doesn't seem like McDonald's and a smoke should be part of the warm up routine.

It didn't seem to bother them though - they put on a great show! Me, I'd have been shooting french fries into the 5th row with all that bouncing. I think my favorite routine was the Trading Taps one. I don't feel like going into detail. Just trust me that it was really good. A woman behind us was so moved she repeatedly cried out, "Duo hao kan!" during the last number. Duo hao kan indeed.

Happy New Year!

The window seat in our master bedroom is proving a good vantage point to witness the New Year celebrations. These consist of entire boxes of fireworks being lit in the street while people stand an unsafe distance away and watch. Many of the fireworks are simply noise and serve only to set off the car alarms nearby. Some of them are actually pretty though, and would be enjoyable if I wasn't thinking that maybe we shouldn't all be quite so close.

The only other time we have spent the New Year here was our first year, back when fireworks were banned. Generally we spend this time of year vacationing in a tropical location. Or actually living in a tropical location. So right now this is novel. I'm sure at about 2 a.m. it will have crossed the line into irritating.

O Canada!

You can learn a lot about a country from how they conduct the opening ceremonies. And from these opening ceremonies, I have learned that in the fall Canadians like to do punk rock style tap dancing. Who knew?

Things that are bringing me joy today

You might think I keep doing lists of 25 things I'm thankful for because I'm a little too structured. But you would be so wrong! Actually, you'd be a little right (ok a lot right), but really the main reason is because I like to stretch myself to think about more things. It's easy for me to think of 10-15 things, but I'm trying to dig a little deeper these days. So here are another 25 things I'm thankful for, on my way to 1,000:

51. I made progress on a project
52. beautiful snow
53. A warm Monday
54. Extra time with good friends this week
55. I've been up early every day this week
56. white cardstock. In China!
57. The book When the Soul Listens
58. Full cupboards
59. My jasmine plant is blooming
60. I have a big refrigerator
61. I have an 8KG washer! That's HUGE by China standards
62. I have a dryer too!
63. I haven't been awakened by any fireworks yet
64. Quiet time in the morning
65. The kids played spontaneously and well together several times this week
66. The local swimming pool
67. A great run along the canal on said warm Monday
68. Friends over for dinner (two nights in a row!)
69. Eating at other peoples' houses for dinner (two nights in a row!)
70. Fun time talking with my helper. I even made a joke. In Chinese!
71. The fun ages our kids are
72. I had a good run on the treadmill this morning
73. productive homeschool days
74. God answered a prayer above and beyond what I asked
75. The first thing our son does in the morning is find me and give me a hug

A new way of living

I never anticipated the significant impact on the buying and storing of food these things make:
1. a car
2. a large refrigerator
3. cupboards

The first time we lived in China, we didn't have a car. Our purchasing from the local store was limited to what we could carry in our two hands, or two hands and a backpack. My grocery bill was rarely highly than $25 per visit.

Our refrigerator held about as much as 3 dormitory fridges, with one of the three being freezer space. But it was double hinged so you could open it from either side which was SWEET. I digress. The point is, you could buy about a week's worth of meat. And nothing taller than a soda can.

When we moved into our first apartment, the kitchen was devoid of cupboards. We had a few made - enough for dishes and cooking stuff. We had a buffet that held any other food.

I mentioned last week's Carrefour chicken expedition recently. There's no way I could have fit the amount of chicken I purchased in our previous refrigerator. Nor would I have had any place to store the massive amount of food we bought today at Metro (like Sam's Club). And if we weren't borrowing a friend's car, I cringe at thinking about putting all of that into a taxi who would drop me off at the gate, leaving me to make about 5 trips in to my house while hoping no one stole what I left on the street.

This whole idea of stocking up - buying what non-perishable items we might use in a month - is something which has slowly left me in Asia. But we do have a car, and a large refrigerator, and while our kitchen isn't huge, there's space for food! I can't explain what a mental shift this is for me. Erik was overjoyed to see how much we bought (he really hates it when we don't have food in the house). I was feeling a little anxious. It's hard to spend 680 kuai in one place here! But I have to remind myself it isn't just for the next 4-5 days like our shopping used to be.

So my plan is that once a month I will hit Metro (for economy sized things), Carrefour (for that amazing chicken) and Jenny Lou's (imported goods - for everything else!). Then theoretically the other items I can buy weekly at local stores. It's a new way of living. I think I'm going to like it.

Thankful

So I'm really digging this gratitude list. All day yesterday I was storing things up to write down. I think the challenge is to do it once a week, but I can't wait that long. So here's what I've been thankful for lately:

26. My children had their first language class this morning and it went really well.
27. lotion. We need lots of lotion in this climate. I have lots.
28. My daughter spontaneously bursts into song often
29. We bought a car!
30. My husband is a good man.
31. homemade granola bars
32. A great Bible study with new and old friends yesterday afternoon
33. Fun dinner with friends last night
34. The use of our friend's car for the next week (ours will be ready in March)
35. Quiet time to write while my kids learned
36. The organic store at the front of our building where I bought Sunmaid raisins and flaxseeds yesterday
37. Three ring binders! In China! I know they say "it's not wrong, it's just different" when it comes to other cultures, but I think there's something a little wrong with two ring binders.
38. A day sunny and warm enough for me to run outside this afternoon
39. My helper who came at 2:30 so I had the freedom to go do said run along the canal, instead of in circles in our complex
40. Sherpa throws
41. The choices I made to say encouraging things to my family
42. The choices I made to refrain from saying something unhelpful to my family
43. Life is relaxed right now
44. Erik doesn't travel at all in February or April
45. The kind woman at the subway stop let me park the car there even though I didn't have a card, and planned to leave it there 3 hours (you're only supposed to leave it for one hour). That was a huge blessing! Otherwise I would have had to drive back home and walk all the way back, making us incredibly late.
46. God answered a prayer for peace in my heart last night after something discouraging happened. Not only did He give me peace, He helped me see good in it! That's the kind of God we have.
47. Our kids are doing really well in homeschool. Megan did an entire chapter of math yesterday unprompted!
48. I found two tootsie rolls in my backpack
49. A great talk with Megan at bedtime about why it's good to admit when we're wrong
50. Family night playing Ticket to Ride - Megan and I won!


Wow. Life is good.

Things I never thought I'd have to say

They don't warn you, when you become a parent, that you will hear sentences coming out of your mouth that were previously inconceivable to you. Ethan usually is the one who generates these phrases from me, as he is the more physically creative of the two (do you like how I put a positive spin on that?). Over the years I've been led to say things like, "Honey, it's not a good idea to free fall off your lofted bed onto the floor, even if there is a mattress there", "Great drawing, sweetie, but you can't swing your sister from your bed by a rope" (see drawing from December 21, 2004), and "Can you please stop trying to launch mini-muffins with your catapult." After awhile it becomes quite normal to say these things.

So yesterday I added to the list when the kids were eating snacks, and I was compelled to say, "Ethan, please don't try to shoot gummies into Megan's mouth with your sling shot." While I appreciate the fact that he's enjoying this simple toy, and learning to use it well, they were at seriously close range. How do you explain a slingshot/gummie induced wound?

Christopher and Rachel Brenna

Have I mentioned that my brother recently got married? When we were growing up, he had a lot of interesting theories about the kind of girl he was going to marry. Like once he had a dream he was going to marry a girl whose name started with M. He dated a lot of girls whose names started with M. His wife's name is Rachel, so scrap that I guess.

But despite theories, he managed to find himself a decent woman. Ok, that's selling her short. She's honestly everything I've ever thought Christopher needed and more. He's one blessed man. Their wedding was the most meaningful wedding I've ever attended (my apologies if I attended your wedding). I think watching my little brother get married must be a fraction of what it's like to watch your kids get married. It was seriously hard to have a direct view of him! He teared up right away, so there was no hope for me. It was a great blessing for all of us to be included in the wedding party. But words can't really do it justice - suffice to say it was a great day, I'm thrilled for both of them because they are so good for each other, and here are the pictures to prove it all.


PS Rachel I'm jealous you got my maiden name. I really want it back. :)

A change of heart

When I sat down in Dunn Bros in the late days of December to ponder my life in 2010, the phrase I walked away with was, "I want to have a restful heart that loves well and worships freely." There are many challenges to this way of life for me, first and foremost being my inclination to act like a manic beaver when I get going on life. I'm a high energy girl who sometimes doesn't know when to quit - there's just so much I love to do, on top of all I have to do! I also tend to be like the elder brother from John 15 - the diligent worker who, as Tim Keller put it, finds the Father useful rather than enjoying Him, and loves what He gives more than he loves Himself. Harsh words you might think, but I can own them because I know that God desires to answer the prayer in my heart to be this kind of woman - restful, worshipful, loving.

One of the gifts He immediately gave me (actually had already given me a few weeks prior) is a wonderful woman named Dayle who has graciously agreed to help coach me in my role here. In a conversation we had a few weeks ago, she encouraged me to "celebrate the little victories" in my life rather than looking at the ways I fall short. The next day, in my Dove chocolate wrapper (a day without chocolate is like a day without sunshine), the message read, "Celebrate the little victories!" That was extremely cool, albeit a little creepy. I took it as a sign, so I started recording my little victories in my journal.

Then today I had the joy of discovering that my new sister (in-law, but I just want to call her sister!) has a blog, on which she has been doing this great practice of sharing things she's grateful for. 1,000 things in fact. And I couldn't help but think that it would help my heart toward its 2010 desires to jump on the wagon. So here are my first thoughts of gratitude:

I'm thankful for . . .
1. Dayle, who encouraged me to celebrate my life more
2. Rachel, who inspired me
3. the funny things my kids said and did today that made me laugh
4. our electricity card still had money on it so when the meter ran out we weren't stranded without electricity until the bank opens tomorrow
5. popcorn. I had it for dinner. I love popcorn
6. My chiropractor, Mu Mu
7. The great conversation I had with Mu Mu today in Chinese
8. getting my kids through creative writing successfully today. Writing can be the hardest part of homeschool.
9. my husband ordering our new car today!
10. the choices I made to apologize for little things today that I could have let slide by
11. the best friends our kids have right next door
12. a good run on my treadmill today
13. chocolate
14. friends in far places - just saw one of them come online. Hi Wendy!
15. My brother finding an amazing woman to marry
16. The opportunity to teach my kids every day
17. The closeness I have with my kids because I am with them so much
18. My helper, Su Jie, who cleans my house so I don't have to
19. The bedding I brought back from the States. I really love it. It gives me joy every time I walk in the bedroom.
20. The opportunity to coach LEAF in March . . .
21. with Iris Lowder! It's a dream come true, seriously. I had to make those two separate things because I'm so thankful for them.
22. Warmer days lately that make our house not so cold
23. My husband, who always walks in the door with a smile on his face
24. Teaching American History to my kids today in such a way that Ethan said he was having a lot of fun. That's a huge victory!
25. a long quiet time with God before the kids got up this morning that helped me start my day with a restful heart

Adventures in shopping . . . or, I miss grocery shopping in America

There are few things in my life as unpleasant as the realization that I need to go to Carrefour on a weekend (admittedly, my life is pretty easy if that's what's dragging me down). I generally try to go to our local grocery store on Saturday morning. It might be, inexplicably, the only place where people don't shop on the weekend here, so it's relatively calm. And for the most part I can get what I need there. Then on Sunday after church we go to the Lion Mart, conveniently located AT church, to pick up any random imported items we can't find at the local store.

But this weekend, my regular plans were sidetracked by a wedding yesterday and the absence of our family from church. Add to that our desperate need for chicken, and I knew I had to make the trek to Carrefour. Because everyone in town should know (and now you do, if you didn't before) that the cheapest, best grocery store chicken can be found at Carrefour.

Here's why Carrefour is a life sucker on the weekend. On any given day, shopping at Carrefour is akin to shopping at Walmart at Christmas time, only people are less polite and the aisles are narrower. The only saving grace in the whole store is that the women who weigh the vegetables for you will not let others budge in front, even if you, the foreigner, are trying to have 10 different bags of fruits and vegetables priced. If they didn't do that, it could get ugly.

But Carrefour on the weekend is like shopping on Black Friday 1999, with Y2K and certain doom looming in the future. It's every man, woman, child, and grandma (because no one leaves grandma at home here) for himself. There are places where you cannot navigate at all because the carts are bumper to bumper. You have to REALLY want to eat.

This kind of craziness used to drive me over the edge culturally, but something's changed over the years. Maybe I'm just used to it, maybe the Spirit's actually got a little more control over me (let's hope it's that), maybe I'm just desperate for tender chicken, but I just put on blinders and trudge my way through it. I even let a man in front of me in line because he foolishly came only to buy lunch. He was going to jump in front of me anyway whether or not I gave him permission, but I felt better having waved him by.

Of all the ways I wanted to spend my Sunday, that wasn't my favorite. That's why I bought such an obnoxious amount of chicken that I got comments about it. I'm thinking I should have bought more. I wish it were possible to go to one place, once a week, to get everything we need here, but it's not. Carrefour has chicken and Land O' Lakes cheese but no canned soup. Metro has economy size popcorn kernels and oatmeal, but their meat isn't great (except the delicious steaks). Jenny Lu's is prohibitively distant and expensive. Our local store has no imported goods. Lion Mart has no milk. Where's a Walmart Superstore when we need one?

But I could manage to do a once a month drive by attack at Carrefour and buy an even MORE obnoxious amount of chicken. That is my plan. Here's to the quest for non-stressful shopping in Asia! Cheers.

You never know

Whenever he can, Ethan investigates technology. When we got our flight from Minneapolis to Chicago, he put on the earphones and searched for music on the armrest. The pilot broke in with an announcement, which caused the earphones to crackle. Ethan told me it gave him a mild shock all the way down his body. Then he continued with this interesting bit of information,

"Mom, whenever something like that happens, I do this" and proceeded to first hold his hand up, palm forward, then flip it around and hold it Spiderman style. Why? "Just to see if it gave me any super powers."

Always good to check.

The Art of International Travel

When we flew to Vermont, we got the customary looks for our kids, the looks that say, "Oh, aren't they cute? I wonder if they're flying for the first time? I hope they behave themselves."

If they only knew.

If I could count the number of times we've flown, I could tell you the number of times we've packed. But if I figured that out, I might start thinking about how many hours of my life I've spent packing and that would be depressing. So let's just say we've packed a lot. And I've decided there are certain laws which apply to international packing. Here they are:

1. In the weeks preceding our departure, I will waver between "we are never going to fit all this in our eight suitcases!" and "we've got plenty of room - let's go buy more!" eventually landing squarely in "Yeah, we have way too much stuff."

2. I will be able to do the first 80% of the packing, after which seeing one item lying around not in a suitcase will cause me to feel violently ill. This is when Erik takes over and does the remaining 20%. It's a good system.

3. U-haul boxes are a thing of beauty and a joy forever. Erik has become an expert at cutting them down from the bottom so they are just within the 62" size limit, and at reinforcing the handles with paint stirring sticks to keep them from ripping. We generally take four of these boxes back with us. This time we're taking 5.

4. Just when you think you have packed most of the stuff in the house, there will be approximately a suitcase worth of last minute items - toiletries, shoes, the clothes you wore yesterday. Prepare for this.

5. Somehow, each time, it will all manage to get in just under the 50lb limit for each bag. (it's amazing to think that we used to be able to take 70lb - we have diminished our load by 160lb!).

Erik hit gold status on United this year, which means we get an extra bag. This adds a new law:

6. Your stuff will expand to fill the amount of space you give it.

For those in Asia - watch for us on Thursday afternoon. We'll be the ones with the obnoxious number of bags.

Smugg's

Do you like to ski? I don't particularly like to ski. My history with skiing is jaded. The first time I went I was 13, and I learned the "church youth group outing" way which means you drove to a nearby ski hill in a bus with 20 other kids, slapped on some skis, someone told you, "Just make a V with your skis" and you fumbled your way down the hill.

The second time was also the "church youth group outing" variety, but I threw in the discovery partway through the day that I had the chicken pox, just to make it more interesting.

Fast forward ten years to when Erik took me on my first real skiing trip to a real resort: Smuggler's Notch, Vermont. Now, I realize I have nothing to compare to other than Welch Village tainted with chicken pox, but I have to say that we hit the jackpot. Smuggler's Notch is fantastic! And this from someone who doesn't like to ski.

But don't take my word for it - Ski magazine has rated Smugg's the #1 family resort in the US 11 out of the last 12 years. That means it was great when we were a young couple, but it's even better now that we have kids! Last year and this we put the kids into all day ski/snowboard camps while we were free to frolic around on one of three mountains (or in my case last year, free to hurl myself down Rum Runner's and nearly break my leg). This year I took a ski lesson. I can't imagine how my history with skiing might be different if I'd had that from the beginning. (wouldn't have eliminated the chicken pox though).

Smuggler's Notch has a lot of challenging hills (or so I'm told by my ex-ski patrol husband) but for the less vertically inclined, there's cross country skiing, snow shoeing, hikes, ice skating, even dog sledding. We like to finish the day in one of the pools (open to those who are staying in the resort)or at the Fun Zone. Seriously, this place has everything!

If you're looking for a place to do a family ski vacation, you HAVE to go to Smuggler's Notch. Tell them Gina sent you. That will mean nothing to them, but it would be fun to know that you did. Fun for me. A little awkward for you, maybe.

Do you have any other form of identification?

Biggest oops of this trip - I left my Minnesota driver's license in China. This has proven problematic when making returns at Old Navy and Target, but I discovered yesterday that The Department of Homeland Security really doesn't like it. They didn't care if it had my photo ID and passport number in it - they couldn't read the rest of it. I don't blame them for not liking it.

In my defense, I didn't plan to use it. I thought Erik had brought the passports for our trip to Vermont. Thankfully, we had been routed, along with a handful of other luck travelers, to a little used security line because the others were so overflowing. This definitely made the process easier as we were pulled aside, had to wait for them to call security, then ask me a series of identification questions, and we were the only people waiting there. It would have been very stressful if we'd been crammed in one of the crowded lines.

The security guys were very friendly and patient, and didn't give us even a hint of that "you idiots" attitude we got that time when we accidentally tried to bring a carry on that contained a Leatherman tool and my scrapbook tools. I hope the Burlington security people are as gracious, because we're going to have the same issue on the way back.